20

TheErwinner

believe it or not, and I know this contravenes the legend of the Spider Cult but damn those fanatics, damn them, damn them all to hell lol,

long before Asha and Urgash hatched of the cosmic chicken egg in the timeless depths of the Void, even before their progenitor the Spider-Father Erwin Le Bretonnia lay claim to pen and fedora or his muse Chris Metzen before him,
the true creator of Heroes, Jon Van Caneghem, thought up Something Original, and it was good

and lo, in these heady halcyon days prior to the rise of the great outsource and the sweatshop Chinese dev, the great JVC conceived of the classic Heroes formula, and the RPGs and King's Bounty before that, and he and his followers birthed "the most popular Heroes® title of all time"

alas, the root of evil himself, Trip Hawkins of 3DO, brought down chaos upon us all, and upon his own,
and with the Offer of Minimum Wage our lord JVC knew well his reign had passed, and rode into the shadows, and so it was that the unholy marriage of Trip and Erwin birthed the cosmic egg, and of it, the eight-legged Spider Dragon with three legs and bad, venomous breath, and all her young

the legend now has been misappropriated and perverted, and many heresies arise of those who Settle For Less and drink of the spider venom kool aid, they who strive to defend the Inferior Gameplay and World, the bugged and glitched garbage, the Hello Heroes, even that wretch of Erwin they call Isabel,

but I forgive them, for that is all they have ever known lol


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